"Man, I should have thought the entire thing through much more carefully. Then I would have enjoyed things while they lasted. Instead, I ruined everything, to think of what I could have had. Sigh."
I am learning to rework the way my mind thinks in DBT (Dialectic Behavioral Therapy). I am trying to replace/remove should have, would have, could have, with far less judgmental thinking. Judgmental thinking? all day and night just about myself, that's it, everyone else, for the most part, is off limits. My philosophy is that it isn't my place to judge others, I have no idea the life they have lived, but I know me.
So along with all my other quests I seem to be on, I am going to add this one trek to the journey.
I have things to do and paths to take. This little example is only representing myself healing from judgmental stances against myself.