Sunday, September 20, 2015

The day I got "schooled" by my chickens

Of the 3 Chickens, Studio has finally started laying eggs.  She has been for about a month now.  She liked to lay them under the coop.  As we are approaching winter, I have not wanted any of them to get used to laying any eggs under the coop for obvious convenience reasons.  So, I had Rick board around the coop. The next thing I know we are hearing quite a ruckus, noises that I had not heard before.  I ran outside and went to the coop.  There was Studio trying desperately to get under the coop.
(It is very hard to take pictures of chickens, I think, they move SO much.)

So I took Studio into the coop and sat down with her.  I put her where she should be laying her eggs.  I said gently "This is where you lay your eggs Studio. This is where  hey go."  So she scratched and scratched and squatted and clucked.  Then she did this over and over again.  Finally after a while she bit my hand and I said "Ok, enough is enough, you go on your way."

The next day I needed to get oyster shells, grit,  and organic seed mix as a suppliant with their pellets. When I was at Eggplant, I saw 2 ceramic eggs (they were quite expensive) in a package.  They recommended them to me to get the hens to lay where they should.  I got home and decided that I could tell the real from the ceramic and put the 2 ceramic in their coop where I wanted them to lay. Just a note, it's not so easy to to tell them apart.

So here is where I got schooled.....

The next morning when I got up and went to feed the chickens, there were 2 eggs laying close together by their chair that sits in a corner of their run far away from their coop,  I went to the coop and inside was laying an egg.

I stood up.  What was I looking at?  3 eggs.  That means one is real.  A chicken really rolled one or both of the ceramic eggs out of the coop, down the ramp and over to the side of the chair.  I took all 3
in and washed them off.  Then I tested them.  The 2 by the chair, one was real and one was ceramic. The one in the coop was ceramic.

Somehow Studio laid an egg outside, and chose to roll out a ceramic egg next to it as if to tell me "NO I LAY MY EGG OUT HERE!"

All I could do is laugh.  Those smart crazy little women.  k~



Friday, September 18, 2015

The reach out

Recently, there have been suicidal triggers going on around me.  I often think of my friend Steve who held it together for so long.  He was just a breath of sunshine.  His smile warmed any room.  But he suffered so, emotionally and physically.  Then there were those ladies that had jumped off the high bridge. The one that was at the end of August was an elementary friend of my sons. We are very sad as a family.  We didn't keep close once David left that school, but she still brought joy to us.  One of our favorite family sayings is from her "I played baseball, I was good"  We'll miss you.

Throughout my 18 month bout with depression and diagnosis of BPD I have suffered from suicidal ideations and self injurious thinking off and on and it comes and goes still. I guess I had been in this frame of mind in June and just recently.  In June I found myself at the very very end of my rope.  I was overwhelmed with the way things were not working out with me, that certain relationships were a disaster, I felt I was being blamed for things exclusively that were not completely my fault. I was being told how things were going to be.  I was given the cold shoulder for so long and no way of speaking to the right person so I could understand what was going on around me. Choices were being made about me and for me.  On my own in my depressive condition, I would just talk myself into telling myself I was a terrible person and there was no way of making things right. At the very last end of my rope, I reached out.  Was I skillful NO.  But at least I tried as best as I could to get some facts and some help.  I asked the person if they would help me.  The answer.. NO.  

It's a detailed story why I would reach out to certain people, and that will not be shared here. Believe me, at such desperate times in the life of someone who has depression, suicidal ideations, and a huge sense of abandonment, it is normal to reach out to those that you may have wronged for forgiveness, or you may reach out to those who have felt that low before for real understanding.

The irony of the entire story... I just wanted to be friends.  Just friends.

So what am I trying to say in this Blog? What is this message about?  Well it's not just me spewing my own feeling everywhere.  It is a lesson of mistakes and forgiveness, keeping up a give and take relationship no matter how shallow or deep the relationship is and don't overlook things that have been laid right in front of you .  Life is short.  It moves quickly.  But moments can be long and meaningful if you give them the time they deserve.  Take the time a relationship needs to build.  But never ever be afraid to step over lines when it comes to someones life. Pick up the phone, listen, remind them that they are loved.  You see, it is not healthy for you to surround yourself with sick people.  It is not healthy to keep up toxic friendships.  What is important to remember, however, is that if you were hanging on the edge of the bridge, would you want someone to care?  Would you have wanted someone to care before you walk to the bridge?  Think to yourself how much courage it took for that person to actually pick up the phone or text you when they hate themselves and "know" you loath them and then ask for help from you. Think about how impossible that would be.  Could you do that now when you are feeling fine?  Think about it when you are ill, very ill.  Suicide is forever. And even to the person who wants it SO BAD, it may make no sense at all. So try and reflect on the times you may have not had time for a friend that just needed a shoulder. Ultimately it is their choice to die.  If they do kill themselves by themselves it is their responsibility.  But I know first hand that help can be given when people treat others like people. Everyone has flaws but I think everyone wants to be loved and wants to belong. Some people need more than one chance, sometimes 2,3,4 but the one thing is for sure, they deserve to live.  k~

Sunday, September 13, 2015


Medusa is my beautiful adopted morph corn snake.  She came to me from a retired science teacher,  I had  2 tortuous from her all ready.  One tortuous has sadly passed but Natasha is still with us.

She, Medusa, had grown the habit of  biting and Eileen (the school teacher) was wondering if I could get her to stop doing that.  She also wondered if I could give her the holding that Medusa needed.

I started right away by holding her and getting to know her.  When we first had her, she struck out constantly.  When I would vacuum, Sam would hold her and she would strike out at me over and over.  By this time, however, she had never once broken the skin.

Only once did she break skin, that one day she decided my had needed to be bitten. I remember just scolding her. "Medusa!  I don't have time for this! you know that! Now just stop it."  Looking back I found it funny that I was yelling at a snake that wasn't even listening and for sure not caring about what had just happened.

Still makes me laugh, like I think she's taking notes.

Ironically, Medusa loves to slide through my ponytail and then she likes to slide up on the top of my head. That's where she likes to sit.

She loves her bathtub swims. She could swim for hours, but I only give her an hour.

Over the last few months she has slowed down. I have been watching her closely.  She hasn't eaten in 2 months now.  Snakes can go quite some time with out eating, so I am not panicked about it... yet. It's just sad to watch animals age.  It's possibly time for a vet visit.

Here are some beautiful pictures of Medusa.

 Medusa is just over 5 feet.  She enjoys her baths very much. 

Since she has stopped eating, she has lost weight.  Now her spine is quite visible.

She is very sweet and lovable now.  We are very glad to have her as part of our menagerie. k~

Sunday, September 06, 2015

Teach Your Children

You, who are on the road must have a code that you can live by.
And so become yourself because the past is just a good bye.
Teach your children well, their father's hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams, the one they fix, the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.

And you, of the tender years can't know the fears that your elders grew by,
And so please help them with your youth, they seek the truth before they can die.
Teach your parents well, their children's hell will slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams, the one they fix,the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.

Two days before we needed to bring our daughter down to Gustavus for college someone decided that it would be entertaining in some way to take a huge rock and smash our truck window.  For some reason I have yet to be upset about this action in perhaps the usual way.  I have to admit that my fright, fight, faint, flee or freeze reactions  are almost nil these days, but all that came to mind was the song by CSN "Teach your children".   This song just kept going over in my mind. What struck me was that if you look at both verses, it takes in account, any age choosing to be unskillful. They allow anyone to act in the moment.  Only the person or people involved know motive behind this act.  I'm sure that they were just walking by saw the rock and said "this would be funny".  I am sure it was just: rock, window, good feeling, goodbye. 

Recently, I did the shaving cream lecture for my kids.  If you haven't it is a really good kind of powerful visual.  All three had something to say about what they saw and what they felt when I said, "now put the shaving cream back".  I believe it really showed them that it is easy and fast to hurt someone, but not easy at all to recant words and actions once they're out there.  The rock has been thrown, the window broken, the plans shifted.  We had a very successful move in day.  All is going well.  Rick might be driving to Mankato tomorrow for a computer issue, but overall things are going good.  k~

The shaving can/gel/toothpaste demo:

Thursday, September 03, 2015

What a long strange trip the morning routine it is.

It's kind of funny.  When I stop and think about what  I do every morning for my menagerie, all I can do is smile.  I am amazed that I do so much and yet it seems so little, perhaps because it seems so routine to me by now.

Eyes, eyes, eyes, everywhere, with feet paddling, beaks clicking, splashing, glass clicking, mouths open, meows, dishes clanking across the floor, kind of like an odd music piece.  It is quite impossible to overlook what is needed for these little critters.

I accept that this is the beginning of my morning.  A fresh day.  A day that starts with a once over on health and wellness of the each animal.  Then it is an assessment of each habitats water or tank of water, then the habitat it'self. I follow with lights on for everyone and a hardy good morning.  Not everyone is so excited to see me. Fancis for one, could really care less whether it is morning or night. Quailly is a spaz day and night, no matter what time.  The turtles always think it's meal time and lastly, the 4 lizards are ready with their escape plan at any moment.

I do a morning feeding for some, an afternoon feeding for others and a evening feeding for rest. It's amazing how all of this information has stayed steady in my brain through my bought with being sick.  For that I am very grateful. Some make it easy for me not to forget them, others however, are so quiet that it would be so easy to forget.

I love each of them. I care deeply for them. k~