Sadness is painful

       Sadness is painful. People turning their backs on a sad person is indescribable. When caregivers tell you that you don't belong "here" anymore. It's numbing. When you don't judge others for their decisions or lives but you seem to judge yourself up and down all day long it is heart breaking. God made me for some reason, I believe this with all my heart. but for 7 months I have struggled to understand. I may never know and I have come to accept that. By now, I just sit and wait, for what I don't know. I do the best I can as a mom and then night comes and then it's morning and then night and morning. Shame rises with the sun and is waiting with the moon. One thing God has prepared me for is being alone and alone I spend most of my time. And for that preparation, I am truly thankful. Because being alone and tremendously sad is a very hard feat indeed. Just felt I needed to share. Sometimes it's just how it is for some people. Some are bubbly and happy and move on and others just never get back up. No judgement just reality.