Just who am I fooling?

Ya know right when I enjoy just a bit of what it might feel like for the other people, I am pulled back in  it as if the grand universe is having fun with it's toy. I woke up this morning with just a bit of hope on my mind. Just a bit of thing may be ok today. It's 1:45 now.  My 12 year old is crying.  He told me I am not physically abusive mom but I am mentally abusive mom all the time. Now he is in a puddle of tears I caused.  My daughter is on her way to her boyfriends with her teeth grinding and her fists clenched because of this stupid trip to Arizona we are leaving for at 8 am tomorrow morning.  She is hating every waking minute of it. My 15 year old is packing, after his medication has finally kicked in and he is even keeled.  I'm sitting in a mess of my own stuff with hours of work ahead and truly ready to throw up and give up. Rick is going to work in 3 hours and wont be home until 11:30 or Midnight.  We leave at 8 am.

I start to think of every pain usually mentally that I have and that I have caused and the spiral starts. I want to use my skills but I have been in battle since about 10 am and I am now just physically sick. The odd thing is I wake up most of my days like "oh there's the sky, it's morning." and then, like a truck comes and broadsides me I say "Oh ya that's right... It's my morning."

Who am I fooling.  Just who am I fooling?  k~